Those present ;

Stuart "unlucky" Martindale,
Tom "is that a challenge?" Evans,
Rich "the odorous" Bown,
Becky "the fish" James,
Tim "don't follow my line" Pike,
Phil "so cool" Hall,
Gina "muscles" Clark,
Rich "the roof-rack's fine" Jarvis,
Dave "I need a bigger boat" English,
Heather "commando" Greig-Smith,
Angela "but I like this tree" Williams,
Conrad "and his barge" Dowding,
Andy "Super U" Rawlinson.
Ben "my boat is better on the bonnet of my car" Ainsworth

Now the ubiquitous swim table, correlated by Becky in order, we can only presume, so as to show off her own personal talent in this area.

	Real Swims	Technical Swims	Tree Hugs	Pins	Lost/Broken Kit
Dave	2	1	1	1	Deck, Neck Seal
Becky	5	-	-	-	Blades
Rich B	-	1	-	1	-
Stuart	1	-	-	-	-
Rich J	1	3	-	-	-
Gina	2	1	2	2	Blades
Heather	2	-	-	0.5	-
Angela	2	2	1	1	-
Tim	-	3	-	-	Blades
Tom	1	-	-	1	-
Ben	-	1	-	-	Neck Seal
Phil	-	-	-	-	Knife
Conrad	-	-	-	-	-
Andy	-	-	-	-	-
Totals	16	12	4	6.5	-

Now using a scoring system of three points for each real swim, two for a technical swim, one for tree hugs and pins and then a bonus point for every piece of kit lost we have;

Becky	16
Gina	13
Angela	12
Dave	12
Rich J	9
Tim	7
Heather	6.5
Tom	4
Ben	3
Rich B	3
Stuart	3
Phil	1
Conrad	0
Andy	0

The swims started right from the first morning and then they just kept coming. Still 28 swims in about 6 days is not that great, about four swims per day. It is not even enough rescue beer to get drunk on, well unless one person did all the rescues single handily and in one day (Andy, we know you tried, but in the end you weren't the one drinking the beer so it does not matter that much).

Actually for those with out the pleasure of a full, unprovoked, unaided alpine swim, I feel I should point out that basically your trip was not complete. To be totally at the mercy of the river, to have no control over where you are going, to be flung at hazards completely out of control is to experience life. It is, in a strange way, life affirming. You not only feel the power of nature but you are at one with it. And when you emerge, exhausted from the water, you are rejuvenated. You have survived. You have achieved, at least in part, a greater symbiosis with nature.

The other thing about a swim is that in builds trust and cooperation in a group. Indeed those who steadfastly refuse to swim are just being anti-social. To swim is to show that you trust those around you with your life. It is statement of confidence. If you refuse to swim then you obviously are paddling with the wrong people.

More than both of these, a swim shows that you have the true paddlers mentality. You are trying to push the limits. You understand the need for that rush of adrenalin. You are pushing the very nature of your existence. It shows that you are not afraid to take it (deliberately undetermined) to the limit and then carry on going. This is the sort of person we like. Those who did not swim will claim that swimming is caused by insufficient skill and incompetence. They are of course just embarrassed by there own cowardice. They will not go those limits of there own ability. They are, let's be honest, pain ashamed.

There is, of course, nothing wrong with gaining skills, after all, if you want to push the limits then you first need to get to them. Indeed, there are times when it is advisable not to swim (like when carrying a camera in your BA…). Also it is possible to swim carelessly; however technique when swimming can be learnt. Becky is a good example here, she started the trip carelessly swimming any old how and randomly throwing away kit in the process. This is the wrong sort of swim, it is expensive and any of the positive mental benefits will in time be eroded by frustration, annoyance and multiple early morning visits to French police stations. However by the end of the trip she had mastered the art of swimming so well that she was swimming purely for pleasure. Indeed to show that the swimming was entirely intentional, and that lessons about loosing kit had been learnt she threw away her blades on the last section of river, followed them down then simply picked them up. Then proceeded to swim further down. (It should be noted at this point that she made a fatal mistake here, in following a Tim Pike line down a grade four rapid, thus turning it into nearly a grade six, every large hole being traversed sideways with zero forward speed.)

However, the award for most classy swim must go to Heather as she performed an impressive vertical move involving both a rock splat and a pirouette during the swim. Certain old school swimmers consider this to be frivolous behaviour and that swimming should be performed in the most straight forward way possible, going straight down the river. Nevertheless I for one feel that is new Rodeo swimming is definitely the way forward on rivers where there is insufficient difficulty to evince a real swim.

Rich Jarvis also showed that he understands a swim is for pleasure not panic when paddling down a difficult section of the Ubye with no major problems then taking a full-on swim when the difficult water was over. Angela showed a similar understanding of this principal by prolonging one of her swims as long as possible by hanging on to a tree, even to the point of giving her blades to a passing paddler so as to hold on better, and for longer. Gina too took her swims on the easy rivers, including on the Durance, which was descended by Rich using a C1 blade, whilst eating yoghurt (with limited success). Dave was not even near a boat for one of his swims. He made the mistake of getting drunk to near a river and a large passed out Geordie (I would write more, but that is more than enough for any active imagination). However the king of all boatless swims has to go to Tom. He really needs to learn that he can't refrain from swearing, and so accepting a bet wherein if he swore more than eleven times in one evening he would have to swim across the river really was a bad idea. Tom also has to go down as the best pin which, though not swimming related, shows real dedication to recreate a challenging paddling problem on a pebble beach; though quite how he managed to roll the large rock he was sitting on over his shoe laces so that he could not move to dislodge them, or move the rock, and had to be assisted to get out, we shall never know.

These were just the best swims. Like any other art to reach such high levels takes practice and skill, there were many inferior swims, but that is to be expected, and those who took them are commended for trying.

In conclusion it should be noted only that our admiration for these great artists is only overshadowed by our contempt for those who refused to partake. For I shall just say this, sooner or later, we will catch you.