A Visit to Devon

Hey dudes and dudettes! I've kind of put down this what happened for our weekend in Devon.

It sort-a started when we were up at 'Weryn a few weeks back (it's this river in out in the booneys) doing a bit a paddling and generally getting maxed-out, in more ways than one. Well we kind of thought, hey lets do this again some time, so then Tom, he's this kind of a Merv, but he's an okay guy, says lets go surfing, which was kind of cool. So we though, 'hey, bitchin, let's do it'.

So, a few weeks later we all pitched up in Devon. We kind of arrived later than we thought, mostly 'cos of a kind of slow lunch before leaving, but then that was cool. Rich was there first, but he was having this bummer with his tent. He wanted us to sort of pitch in, but after a journey like that what we needed was some serious libation, a bit of a case of 'dumbye, boy'. Anyway he laid off a bit, and spotted some swings, excellent. We did, like, really need to put up the tents though. Rich still wanted to do his, but Becky had this momboosa tent which was way cooler to put up so we got on with that. Or some people got on with it, it would have been better with fewer lame-os around but, hey, we got there in the end. By now we were in serious need of some energiser, but there was some dispute about the type of grinds to have. We sort split up about it in the end, Rich and Dan went to get chips and I stayed with Becky to do pasta; hey, why waste what you already have?

With food done it was time to pay serious attention to the inebriants. The momboosa tent had lights and everything and was really da kine. Anyway we decided in the end to play this kooky game of twenty questions with loads of drinking and way more than twenty questions, but we was just drinking and crusin', so it was cool.

'Bout sometime later the other guys arrived. They were still quite pumped from the trip, but there were still some tweak-mo's who went to bed. But hey, at least we knew who the dawn patrol were! Now was time to get serious, the aftershock came out, but it was xed-out before we'ed even got going, denied! But then we found Becky was kind of ticklish so we had this new siteous game. Rich was kind of ticklish too, but I weren't going there... But then some people just don't get the limits and they started messin' with each other on the floor outside. While this was going down Tom kind of got over amped and started having this thing at Dan, don't know quite what happened but Tom had this excuse, 'you shouldn't have pulled back' and Dan's shoulder sort of ate it. Hey, I ain't one to criticise, but Tom, man, leave the guys alone when you get smeared, there's this thing called respect, you don't need to shnarf to have fun (soz, rant over). Anyway, Dan got kind of hot about it, but he was too cut to really snap and give out any major aggro. He did this kind of improv thing and taped up his arm with duck tape then hemo-ed out with his legs in his coat, respect to the man.

Kind of respect to the man Rich too. He sort of took this time to set his crash up with Becky, but man, it's kind of rude not ask, an' we've all seen them pictures of you an' Tom... I should sort of mention that he was kind of ko-ed at the time, he can be a bit of a lame-o when it comes to imbication. Anyway he kind of crashed out in his den of plutonic frustration. Some of us carried on the juice, but the crowd was getting a bit thin. In the end it was just me and Dave. Dan was kind of there, but more than a little out of it; someone had changed his coat for his bag and we figured he was so wasted the pain'd be okay. It was about then that I kind of started being this big downer, soz Dave, it just gets so much easier not to see a point when you just can't cerebralise up some reasons. Hey I get like that, but then I just kind of pass out and it hurts too much to think in the morning, by the time it's kind of better you've sort of, usually, moved on. Yeah I know it sounds like I'm an alcoholic, but it ain't true man, I can cope, or maybe that's why I write this shit. Whatever, anyway, we all crashed in the end.

***

Dan kind of woke us in the morning. Hey, you know, the man might have been injured. But let's face it, that's no reason to go waking still drunken people up at stupid times in the morning. I night have been using his bag as a pillow but that ain't no reason to remove it while I'm still sleeping, gimp. Still it meant we got one up on the dawnies by being awake when they came to gloat at our hangovers, which was some definite silver lining. The dawn patrol went off and came back to say that despite fear of glass there was some surf, cowabunga.

Most of the guys then went off for breakfast, can't say I really felt the need for energising so I stayed and kind of fell into this scary après-drinking domestic thing and sort of tidied the tent, don't ask why me it happens, I just ignore it and get on with my life.

Anyway, they got back from eating and sort of started to mill about. Rich was expecting this mate of his, who turned up with this humungous barge on top of his little bang, a totally comic moment. Then he starts flapping with Dan, but hey if you put two zipperheads together what d'you expect. In the end Rich picks up a load of people to go the boardie shop, lead-by that heretic aggro-naut Day. The rest of us headed to the beach and started getting ready for a little action. Tom Day's boat kind of got shoved in my car cos no one could be bothered to put it back on a roof, which would have been cool if I hadn't been a complete dumbshit and left my contacts in the tent. So I drove back with this boat in the car. I couldn't see jack, so I was kind of glad there weren't any pigs about, 'specially since I still weren't feeling that great, I was okay to drive, you just don't want the hassle. Still I got back okay. It was kind of as well that I did go though, since I kind of got totalled paddling out and lost both lenses.

We all kind of carried on surfing for a while, pulling some great moves. Spins where sweet but the blunts just weren't happening for me. I kind of stopped after a while cos I was getting a little annoyed of, like, seeing everything in this kind of a blur. Some people had already stopped to join Dan, who was just, like, hangin' since his little run in with Tom meant he couldn't surf, bit of a downer really. Anyway I went to put in some new lenses, I tried to do it on the beach, but I don't really go for that bogus sand on eyeball feeling. When I go back they've staged this kind on mock burial with my boat and paddle buried in the sand. It's all ways nice to know your appreciated guys. But not dead! Then we had this game of aerobe. We looked out at the surfers occasionally, but we where more concentrated on the fact that nobody could throw the thing anywhere where they wanted it to go. Dan looked out one time and though he could see Becky swimming beyond the breakers, but we guessed it was just too far away to see properly, so we carried on. I looked over and saw this red boat with no one seeming to be in it, but we reckoned it'd just be some red mondo stick so didn't bother too much.

Rich got off about then and spent forever doing some weird stuff down by the water, don't know what, but sometimes you just gotta live and let live. Rich's mate, Ed got off just after, and says, 'you seen Becky? She was swimming out past the breakers'. So were kind of like, 'ah, so that red tank we saw was a boat'. She kind of comes swimming just then so we run out to do the macho lifeguard thing, she could kind of walk by then, but you got to put up a show, it's sort of required. Anyway we were all in major need of re-energising by then so we went off to get some lunch.

Lunch was sort of upset by aggro-boy Day. We were in the dunes just chillin' and eatin' but manic man starts leaping around and throwing people down the dunes. That boy is cruising towards a serious bruising if he don't learn to lighten up. Tim and Kathy turned up during lunch. They were kind of late due to Tim's, like, major hangover, which is a kind of okay excuse. They also brought the wave ski, a toy for Rich, and Kathy had this woollen goat, but then weird can be good. Tim did disappoint a little by not get on the water. If you're back on solid food then you've got no excuses dude, new job or no job (and no job's gotta be better…).

Aggro boy finally decided to chill out, after lunch, when we were, like, trying to get back on the water; what a goon. Still he kind of atoned by ditching the log an' getting in a proper boat. He even started getting the spins sorted, so not all bad. Some of the waves weren't bad either. The blunts started flowin' and I even got a wheel down the face, that'll do for me. We were all kind of wasted after that so we started dragging back up the beach. Ed and Becky got back kind of later after a bit of a walk up the beach. Paul righteously put it that 'some people need to learn to learn about drift', but I spose if your gettin' buzzed then these thing can kind of slip your mind.

We moseyed back to the campsite after that to get showered and stuff. There was a lot of gabbing in the showers which is okay, but taking pictures of other blokes in the shower is not cool, it's weird, get a grip guys. After the showers we got into this game with the aerobe on the campsite. It would have been great if we could actually throw the thing; it just shows that even cool people can't throw. After some guys had stopped to drink tea, people this is not high society, we got going into that happening place Braunton for the evening.

***

We was kind of late, an' it bein' and Saturday night an' all, none of the pubs seemed to be doing grinds. The Indian place couldn't do us for, like, hours so some people started going for chips. These were the major lame-os of the group who couldn't cope with walking a whole few more steps to find a pub with food. In the end we found this place that would kind of do so sat down there. It was kind of cramped so we was all sitting round at little tables, but Paul has this righteous idea, that there are loads of us so we can kind of dominate the joint. So we do this major, like, moving thing and take over nearly the whole of this big window place. The two guys in the corner where kind of pushed out, but they could have moved if they wanted to. We all ordered our grinds and got on with some drinking while we was waiting. The service was kind of uneven but we all got our dues in the end, Tom was last, despite being first up, kind of retributibutive pay back for all that aggro.

I don't kind of see the point in going over all the flapping from the evening, it passed the time then, but it weren't exactly a film script. What does want to go down though is Rich going back on the soft stuff, man you're gonna end up gettin stuck up your own ass if you ain't careful. To give him an excuse, maybe he was tired or still worse-for-ware of something, but I don't think so. Worse than that though was the people leaving to go back, not just before chuckin out, but way before last orders, that's kind of weak. Maybe there was some kind of great thing going on back there they we missed out on, but I'm guessing they was just a little lame. We stayed kind of longer, but left before they closed. We left in this, like, major hurry so that I had to leave the end of a pint, that pisses me off, another few minutes would have been fine, but my stomach was feeling sort a bad so I didn't really fancy a chug and chunder. We stopped of at the chippy on the way back; they did these bodacious burgers which were cool. But having some woman get her hand in your hair then some guy at the counter turn round and go 'don't worry that's just my wife' is just weird, you may be into that round there, I'm not. Still, 'spose it gives you something to talk about. We just moseyed back after that and crashed out.

***

I don't know why, so don't ask, but I kind of woke up majorly early the next morning. So I went of for this run, there's a chop for the people going to bed early, you just don't have the gusto guys. Disappointment for the morning was a kind of lack of surf, still Saturday was okay, an' a six mile run in the morning and I wasn't that fussed.

We had to get the tents and stuff down in the morning but we had this major problem getting Dave up, lazy bastard. I kind of avoided packing by being way too sweaty and frag so went for a shower. It was all kind of done by the time I finished, excellent. Jon was wearing these sunnies all morning and it wasn't like it was sunny or anything, turns out his eyes have swollen out in this major, like, weird puffy way, so he wouldn't surf, that's denied man.

We went into the town to get breakfast in this little café, it was full of pictures of Charley Chaplin, don't ask why, cos I sometimes there just ain't a reason. Some guys have some weird ideas about breakfast, Dan wanted raw or rare steak or something, and Becky wanted this treacle pudding, but then they didn't bother, hey it don't bother me how wierd your eating is. There was kind of major league faff after breakfast, with people sitting around for an age then deciding to go shopping or something. We just left in the end.

We got to the beach and only, like, four of us got on the water, loads of people were going to pick up these boards so went off to go and get them. They all piled into Rich's car which was kind of comic cause the thing just ain't that big, and the suspension just ain't that strong. We just got on the water and started surfing, or the best we could in the mushburgers there were. I got this one 180 ollie-oop and kind of gave up after that, I just weren't gonna beat it. I sat around for a while watching the heretics an' their boards. We was all kind of beat by then and stared this major hike back up the beach.

Ed had already cut and the Cambridge guys kind of left pretty soon. Hey, it was only, like, two in the afternoon. We had what ever lunch we was having then started on this game of French cricket in the car park. It was kind of cool, but guys, just because I can run doesn't mean I always have to get the ball, it might be polite for the lady, but not you lazy ass basterds. An hey in these days of equal right, I 'spose the lady should run too, but, you know, we gotta start somewhere. Even then they kind of got burnt-out first, people you need to get fit ('scuse the smug gloating…!) So we started thinkin about leavin. We were going to go back to the bohdacious burger shop, but we kind of decided to impose on Dan instead. We split from Rich and headed of back up the Road. We had this mondo problem trying to find anything decent on the radio but we did get the majorly comic 'bob the builder' at number one driving past Bristol, so not all bad.

We got to Dan's house he goes, 'what we need now is the entrenching tool'. We were kind of like, you took a key, man, you don't need to tunnel into the house, you live there. Anyway, I wouldn't want to compromise his security, but he we get in and he says 'its easier than finding the key', hey maybe it is, it's just not normal. He starts sortin some grinds an then has this majorly one sided conversation on the phone, dude, you're allowed to talk too! The food was good though, he even made this dressing stuff which was kind of impressive. We kind of felt we should get going in the end, but we try this excellent chair first, it didn't just recline, it was kind of like, majorly falling backwards. Anyway we headed back of, I was kind of getting tired but we made it okay, We kind of emptied most of the car an Becky's, that mombosa tent had to come out. I had kind of reached the stage of just kind of vegetating but that point and mostly just stood for a while. In the end I kind of dragged my self into the car, found the shitest music on the radio to stay to awake to and felt kind of glad I knew the road.

That's kind of it really. A totally bohdacious weekend. Where next dudes...?

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