Jesus Lock Weir
Introduction: So you've just done the Saturday afternoon amble up into town, paid five quid for a pint of something calling itself beer, had your picture taken by Japanese tourists, admired the lovely old buildings, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah. Basically, you're now bored and just can't be arsed with portaging for some silly weir thing. hmm... Recommended Levels: Anything from normal to very high. As it rises, the lower level backs up, reducing the height of the fall. When the middle river is very low for maintenance, the top edge obviously isn't reachable, so go look at the sluice next to it, which should be wide open... Description: A V-shaped weir thing, pointing upstream. Cunningly, this means the opposing drop can be easily inspected without getting off the water. Usually only a foot or two of depth, so unless you want a squashy nose good only for soup, best not to pencil drop off. Watch out for the boom thing upstream, I think it's there to catch drunk punters or something. This weir also forms a friendly little playspot (for the Cam) when the river is flooded and there's only a small drop. The river left side of the V is all usable, but only has any retentiveness nearer the middle. No less than 5 ends and a couple of 180s may be achieved here, apparently. Back |
Jesus Lock Sluice
Introduction: You're contemplating this? Either you've found yourself on water too low to reach the weir, or you're an aubergine up for a virtually water-free plop, or you're a pepper (see below). Go on then, I'll humour you anyway. Recommended Levels: Two possibilities: If the gate is fully down, or fully up. If it's anything else, water is going under the gate in an insanely dangerous manner and you'd have to be a certifiable pepper or something to go under that. Certainly not suitable for aubergines. Description: A sluice gate. Pretty obvious really. If the gate is fully down, you nip over the top for a simple plunge. This is the line taken in the photo above. Note the keen awareness of the safety boater to the left of the picture, who has just spotted an aubergine in difficulty. This level has the added advantage you shouldn't have any kayakers in your way, unless they particularly like squeezing through a narrow gap to drop into manky water (and if they did, they'd be cave divers instead). If the gate is fully up, the middle river must be low, and you've got a nice easy float through, with a wave you could pretend is worth surfing. Back |
Jesus Lock
Introduction: If you like hurdles, this could be just your thing. Not much else going for it, unfortunately. Recommended Levels: If the river level is normal, then the water in the lock must be up. Alternatively, if the sluices are fully open and the top river low, you might be able to paddle straight through. Description: Unfortunately, there's a complete lack of whitewater in this one, just some forcing yourself over silly obstacles. Reminds me of Cardington. First, heave yourself over the top gate. Now, if you paid attention to the water level recommendation, you are floating in a boring lock. If not, you're spread over a square metre of concrete ledge, stupid. Another quick heave and you've dropped below the bottom gate, probably landing at a particularly painful angle, and just in time to watch your cowardly friends seal launching off the side. This whole operation could get a lot easier if you got at it when the river was properly flooded, like in the picture below.  Back |
The Millpond Weir
Introduction: An obvious choice really - about the most complicated bit of whitewater in Cambridge, with the added benefit of a virtually guaranteed audience on the walls beside it. Wonder if you could run this for beer? Recommended Levels: High, but not so high you can't fit under the bridge. Description: Right, you're going to drop onto a sloping concrete ledge, so you want as much water cushion on it as possible, and you abviously don't want your nose hitting it too hard. Enjoy, just check the level and don't knock your head on that bridge... It has been suggested that there's more water to cushion the drop into the side channel, then move across. Personally, I reckon dropping yourself into a narrow channel where you could get stuck or capsize and there isn't enough room to roll or maybe even climb out is downright daft, but each to their own. Anycase, there seems to be enough cushion on the rest most of the time now, since they cleaned up the lip. Back |
The Sluice
Introduction: Welcome to the premier playspot on the Cam. Many an otherwise slightly more boring hour has been spent here attempting to do an offside clean aerial superblunt before a crowd of slightly confused looking tourists. Of course, that attempt is usually frustrated as nobody actually knows how to do the move, or even has the faintest idea what it might be. Recommended Levels: Medium to high flow, preferably not just down the walls. At very high flow, you get a walled in stopper which might spit you out after a while if you ask it nicely. Also runnable if all the gates are raised entirely. Description: Many possibilities here, since any bizarre combination of gates might be open. Have a messabout and see what goes - that's what playing's all about, no? As I said before, runnable if all the gates are down and you can find a gap between the debris and vertical bars. Unfortunately, bloody awkward to get onto the upper river in this condition coz it's six foot below the bank and shallow. :-( Back |
The Rollers
Introduction: Not very floaty alas, but worth a bounce for the confusion you'll cause punters and passersby. Recommended Levels: Not relevant really. But if there is enough water to spill out of the top river, it runs proper. Duh. Description: A ramp populated by some big steel rollers. With big gaps. Go bounce your way down, but watch you don't mistime it and get stuck under one. Particularly that one you try to jump up onto by ramming it from the top river. That could hurt. Oh yes, that could hurt. Back |
The Gate
Introduction: OK, so this isn't quite on the Cam, but nonetheless a relevant challenge. Persistent rumours within the Cambridge Union of Cuddly Canoeists say this gate cannot be climbed. Sounds like a challenge to any red blooded aubergine! Recommended Levels: If the water is high enough to reach the bottom of the gate, there are probably some much more interesting runs in Cambridge. :-) Description: Climbing this looks surprisingly tricky for an aubergine, given a complete lack of limbs, but once you get the knack of it just about any line goes. Probably best to err near one of the ends though, to avoid breaking off the hinges. That'd make you look a real plonker. Back |
Silver St BridgeIntroduction: Great on those balmy summer evenings when all else fails and even the Millpond sluice is about as powerful as someone having a piss. Also has the added benefit of an ego-boosting audience giving a resounding round of applause. Recommended Levels: Who gives a toss! Description: Timing is everything - make sure you do it when there are lots of tourists on the bridge and the patio of the Anchor is crowded (at this point. A middle/river-right position on the bridge is recommended. Before launching, make sure that there is someone below to check for punts (nobody likes someone dropping in on a party uninvited). Get another equally responsible paddler to push you off. Recommended nose dip is about 45 degrees (please don't land flat because it hurts) but this point is academic as you are totally at the mercy of the clown who is pushing you off anyway. Back |